No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Found your dick twin last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
