I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
