the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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