I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
