party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
