I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
