You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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