people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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