im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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