I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Randomize
