I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
