I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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