I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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