i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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