So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's blow job season.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
