Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
