So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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