Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
