just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
