That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
