dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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