she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
