the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
