while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize