The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
