your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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