i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
