If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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