i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
