I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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