paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Randomize
