well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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