3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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