So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
