My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
