A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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