Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
