Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
