it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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