i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
