I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
