You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
