She is in my trunk
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
