Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
