i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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