You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
