I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
