I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
