he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
