I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
