Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
