remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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