Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
