I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
