my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
