i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
