Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
