Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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