Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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