hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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