Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
