My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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