My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
