did you get engaged???
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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