Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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