At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
