if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
