she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
