did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
