I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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