Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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