You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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