Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
