Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
