based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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