Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
