Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
